A Day In The Life

My dad always told me when I was growing up, "If you work hard, you'll get somewhere in life and achieve whatever you want." I've believed this for so long, even though it never seemed to happen. I've worked many years for two major corporations before deciding to be a SAHWM (Stay At Home Working Mom), and I just don't know any more. My dad's advise may have worked for him, but it's never worked for me, no matter how hard I've tried (and believe me, I've really, really spent a LOT of time on the trying part!).

It takes a solid, string foundation for a building to stand firm on and folks can be confident in. One corner cracks, and it can tumbles into rubble and dust. People can be the same way. We go through life learning and spending time perfecting our knowledge in our chosen field. We spend obscene amounts of money on a good education, hocking everything to get ahead. Then we take entry-level positions in hopes to rise through our achievements. Fortunately, most of the time, this strategy works, and we don't have to start all over.

But Fate has a nasty way of intervening. It's nice to get positive feedback (hell, even just feedback!), even when it accompanies a rejection letter from a publisher. You learn, you adapt, you modify, you move on. Sometimes, though, the ladder of success seems impossibly tall and unachievable, especially when you never get a nibble. So, why keep on trying to get published? Am I stupid of something??

I've been told I'm a great writer by critiquers and judges. I've even placed and won writing contests with several different stories. I also have a folder full of rejection letters and a few form rejections (those skewed copies with a list of what's wrong with a submission that an over-worked editorial assistant quickly checks off and sends back in your SASE). The vast majority of the time mine have been plain-Jane vanilla rejections, I don't even get the letter with that list, and I have NO IDEA WHY I've been rejected or what I can do to fix the problem to make a story more salable.

Frustration makes it more and more difficult to concentrate on writing. I feel like my Muse has deserted or perhaps is laughing at me for even trying to have a career. Maybe I should just be content with being a stay at home mom. I dunno right now.

I have two scenes left to complete MLE, and I can't seem to get those last few pages out of my head and into the computer. Oh, the story's done, just not written down. And right now I'm wondering why the hell I bother when I don't even get nibbles. BTW, my very first rejection letter was back in 1986. Why do I try so hard?????

Nope, no rejection this month (yet). I just feel like a frustrated failure. Me, a writer? Damn right. I wrote this, didn't I?

Okay, I have laundry to go fold.

~A